Footprint Dreams

     For the duration of my 21 year existence, I've found myself in between various abysses-I never fall into them but I teeter on the edge and then miraculously find the will to balance myself seconds before I plunge below. I've had a tumultuous life but it has all led me to here- the present. I grew up with small feet and was expected to fill big shoes, stitched by my parents and gifted to me by everyone. In short, if these shoes create the standards by which I was judged growing up- then I have turned out to be an absolute failure. When I seem to be on the verge of becoming just short of a total failure, I lose all motivation, and struggle to find it again.

     For years I've been told I was not good enough or to put my dreams aside and fill a mold that was carved out for me before I was even a zygote. In short, I've been living vicariously for most of my life. I lost confidence in myself to pursue anything else other than what was expected of me but where is the happiness in that? I could wear these big shoes, become a successful man and yet be an abject failure. Or I could live for myself and live my dreams wide awake. I could find motivation in the need to better myself for me, rather than to afford bigger shoes. I could be free. I wouldn't have to wear shoes and I could walk bare feet. My life would still be dichotomous-I'd still become a successful man and yet be an abject failure- but at least I can leave my footprint behind.

-Mango